Friday, December 23, 2005

The Power of One and Jesus

Whether you are a believer or non-believer, a Christian or an atheist, you must be amazed at the power of this one man, Jesus, who once lived and continues to affect so many people so profoundly today. We are all influenced just by the fact that he once existed, whether you believe in his existence or not. How did one man attain so much attention two thousand plus years ago that he is remembered by a more savvy civilization today? Without bringing religion into the picture, you still have to be astounded by the power of one.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

An Eleanor Roosevelt Quote

Eleanor Roosevelt is a favorite historical figure to many Americans. Her great wit is one reason why:

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."

Sunday, December 11, 2005

The World's Best Christmas Cookie Recipe

A friend sent this recipe to me and I guarantee it will get results:
1/2 Cup of Water
1 Cup Flour
1 tsp Baking Soda
1 Cup of Sugar
1 tsp Salt
1 Cup of Brwn. Sugar
1 tsp Lemon Juice
4 Large Eggs
1 Cup of Nuts
2 Cups of Dried Fruit
1 Bottle of Jose Cuervo Tequila
  • Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, poor one cup and DRINK.
  • Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again
  • .At this point, it's best to make sure the Cuervo(Tequila) is still OK, try another cup...just in case.
  • Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the friggin fruit off the floor...
  • Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
  • Sample the Cuervo again to check for tonsistinsee.
  • Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or flour o! r something. Who giveshz a sheet..
  • Check the Jose Cuervo. Now, shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts for pitz. What? You know what I meant....
  • Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar. Greash the oven.
  • Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
  • Don't foget to beat off the turner
  • Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Thoughts On The Power of One

We live in a society which thrives on power---the more the better. Therefore, we are apt to overlook situations involving the power of one; we prefer the power of two or five or ten. But we should never underestimate the power of one. Consider the following circumstance:

One depressed person living alone plus the adoption of one abandoned animal living in a shelter since May equals unmeasurable happiness, delight, and contentment on the part of both. Who knows if the end result is tenfold, a thousandfold, or a millionfold? And who cares? We have just seen the miracle of the power of one.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Heaviest Element Recently Discovered---Governmentium

A friend of mine sent this. I do not know who the author is but I surely admire him/her for the insight:

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium". This hurricane mess and gasoline issues are proof that it exists.

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characterization of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons, but twice and many morons.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas

As I sit in my favorite chair and look out the window, all around me my beloved hills are shrouded in white. We have had snow covering the ground almost continuously since Thanksgiving. Most of the time, it has been just enough to set the stage for the coming holidays, without the slick roads that threaten life and limb. In other words, the perfect amount.